Singapore Not A Country: Scientists
Posted on Sunday, September 17, 2006
Topic: Local News
by K.K. Cheow
Following the reclassification of Plutos planetary status,
scientists say that Singapores status as a country needs to be
reconsidered too.
Recently, the International Astronomical Union said that Pluto
should only be considered a dwarf planet as it failed to meet all
the conditions necessary to qualify as a full planet.
Likewise, the Evaluation of Nations Guild (ENG) believes that the
tiny island state of Singapore should be stripped of its status as
a full country. According to the ENG scientists, to be considered a
country, a nation needs to meet the following criteria:
1. Has internationally recognized boundaries
2. Has people who live there on an ongoing basis.
3. Has economic activity and an organized economy.
4. Has the power of social engineering.
5. Has a transportation system
6. Has sovereignty.
7. Has external recognition.
8. Has a government.
Said ENG spokesman Professor Terry Torial, Singapore fails to meet
the criteria for the following reasons:
1. Singapore constantly exceeds its recognized boundaries as
certain senior politicians are always providing advice to other
actual countries on how they should be more like Singapore
2. Its people live on the island on an ongoing basis only in the
sense that they want to go on to another country if they could
afford it
3. It has economic activitiy and an organized economy, in that it
regulates trade and issues money, but it does so mostly to the
benefit of a small group of inhabitants.
4. It does engage in social engineering, as it provides education,
but education in Singapore seems mostly about teaching the people
a lesson.
5. While it has a transport system, it always seems to be on the
wrong track.
6. Singapore has sovereignty only in the sense that it has a
Sovereign.
7. It has received external recognition from other countries, but
there is no consensus to that recognition as it has variously been
recognized as a little red dot (Indonesia), a pimple (Malaysia)
and a piece of snot (Taiwan).
Having a government is the only criteria that Singapore
satisfies, said Prof. Torial. And boy, does their government seem
satisfied.
Singapore should be reclassified as a company, Prof. Torial
continued. It doesnt have a newspaper, it has a newsletter
designed to boost employee morale all the time. By its own chairman
of the boards admission, it has no unique culture. Furthermore,
the directors are reappointed by a rubber stamping exercise with
little prospect of changing incumbents, and shareholders are
offered only cursory financial statements. In fact, with the
dominance of a particular grouping on the board of directors, it
seems like a family-run corporation, much like Mars.
The Singapore government says that it is happy to be compared to
Mars, and is now petitioning to be reclassified as a planet.
The ENG is supporting the reclassification bid as It may not be a
country, but life in Singapore does seem like living on a different
planet. Maybe its a bit like Pluto.
When asked to elaborate, Prof. Torial said, Its very Mickey
Mouse.
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Oh, and on a related note, there's a front page article in today's
pap times that the gahmen is opening tender for consultants to come
up with a new "branding" strategy for S'pore. It does feel like
we're living in some family owned company.
